full circle

Some of you may remember that we were put on an IVF waiting list for the base program. In December 2006, they told us we were in line for November 2008. This would be the reason we jumped ship and went to a civilian doctor. The base had to cut 25 people off the list and we then moved up in line to May 2008. In the Fall, the base program was put on an indefinite hold. Well, this week will be May 2008 and our military doctor will perform the FET at my civilian doctor's office. Funny how things work out. I think we have decided that this will be our last attempt. Our friends were over yesterday with their babies and I think it just confirmed for Greg that we just want a child to raise and to finally have our own family. I won't be publicizing when the pregnancy test will be. However, when I have news to share, good or bad, I will share it when I am ready. Please just pray for our little embryos that will be defrosted on Friday!

neighborly advice

Throughout these past few years we have dealt with some really ignorant comments. One day maybe I will write a post on what not to say to someone struggling with infertility. When I was least expecting it, another piece of "advice" was thrown my way. I was outside chatting with the neighbor. Greg walks out and the neighbor starts bragging about a concert next Tuesday that Greg wants to go to. I said, "See it is on Tuesday and we have class so you can't go anyway." The neighbor than turns to me and says, " What class?". It took me about two seconds to debate in my head what to say. So I proudly say, " A class on adoption." Are you ready?? Here it comes.... "Julie, please.. you just need to work harder at it!" ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Here I am thinking that five years, 6 IUI's, 2 IVF's, a baby that died in me, and $25,000 was working hard!!! What a blow. I simply said, " Well on that note, I am leaving, Greg you can fill him in." I turned looked at Greg and went to get dinner. Granted, my neighbor has no clue what we have gone through, but why did that have to be the comment that came out?

another little miracle

Our friends Jenn and Rich welcomed their son Cameron David to the world yesterday. Jenn and I met at our first support group meeting. She and Rich have had a long road on this journey also. Cameron is the most precious thing ever and a true miracle. We love you guys and are so happy for you both! Remember, we are right across the street if you need a babysitter!

round 3

Here we go again. Had an ultrasound this morning and I am right on track, so shots start tonight. Thought I would post this picture of my FET meds. Funny thing is, this is not as many I usually have for a fresh IVF cycle!

april 4th

Today is the 1 year anniversary of my due date. I am not as sad today as I was this day last year, but my heart is still heavy. Greg and I received this poem at our adoptive parenting class on Tuesday. I thought it was somewhat appropriate for today.

Today I closed the door of the nursery
I had kept for you in my heart

I can no longer stand in its doorway.
I have waited for you there so long.
I cannot forever live on the periphery
of the dream world we share, and you
cannot enter my world.

I have fought to bring you across the
threshold of conception and birth.
I have fought time, doctors, devils and
God Almighty.
I am weary and there is no victory.

Other children may someday live in my
heart but never in your place.

I can never hold you. I can never really
let you go. But I must go on.

The unborn are forever trapped within the
Living, but it is unseemly for the Living
to be trapped forever by the unborn.

back in the game

I didn't realize how long it had been since I posted until I got two emails today from friends making sure I was ok! Greg and I have decided to proceed with our Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET). We are not making a big deal out of this, so if you read the blog you will know, if you don't well then you won't. A FET consists of pretty much the same protocol of an IVF, but I don't have to take the stimulate drugs and no eggs will be retrieved. I will be on the Lupron, Estrogen and Progesterone. 2 shots, 1 pill. The good news in all of this is that my base doctor has agreed to do all my monitoring, provide the meds and do the transfer ( as long as I transfer on a Friday) at my RE's office where the embryos are being stored. So we are saving almost half by using the military services. Turns out our military RE is now working at my civilian RE's on the side! How convenient for us.
During this process I have also signed us up for Adoptive Parenting Classes. Starting tomorrow for 6 weeks and they count for 12 of the 20 required education hours for adoptions in Ohio. The classes are designed for couples exploring the option of adoption. I guess you can say we are in that stage. I feel that the FET is just something that has to be completed to close that chapter of our lives. When I left the doctor on Friday with two bags of syringes I broke down crying with a revelation that I am DONE. Finished. I will do this FET and either it will work or it won't. Either way it will give us an answer on how we should proceed. I think I have finally come to a point where I can't put my body through anymore of this. Not too mention our bank account.
So that is where we are. Still alive and dealing with infertility in rainy, gloomy OHIO!

the cruise in review

Ok here goes...I decided to write this in a day by day format because there is just way too much to tell. The highlights will give you a good picture of our long awaited trip to the Mexican Riveria.

Day 1- Wednesday- San Diego- GORGEOUS! We had the best day here sightseeing all around. Ate some fish tacos, and other junk food (this is important).

Thursday- Greg wakes up at 2am with bad diarrhea. By 3 he is vomiting everything he ate the previous day. Is it food poisoning? The flu? He couldn't hold Pepto or Imodium down. Julie then starts to get diarrhea. WE both go in and out of the bathroom for the next 7 hours.Do I cancel the trip or do we get on board sick? We get on board with meds and Gatorade in hand. BAD BAD DAY!!!

Friday- During Bingo the Captain comes on to tell us our ship has a steering problem and we are going at such slow speeds that we are not going to make Acapulco or Ixtapa!! GREAT!! They will substitute for Manzanillo and Mazatlan.

Saturday- Finally getting appetites back. Now our Puerto Vallarta excursion to a private island has been cancelled due to "local logistics". Since we are arriving in PV a day early they can't take us to the island!

Sunday- at 1pm we arrive in Manzanillo. According to the ship shopper lady she says to either book an excursion or go to the spa. We take the free cruise shuttle to town. It was a DUMP. One hour and we are back on the boat.

Monday- PV- walked the boardwalk, got some nachos at Senor Frogs...finally some good food!

Tuesday- Mazatlan- another not so great place

Wednesday- Cabo- best stop of the trip- took water taxi out in some really rough water to see the arch, ate at Hard Rock and shopped. Beautiful day.

Thursday- so windy and cold couldn't lay out on the ship, had dinner at the Japanese restaurant on board. during dinner I break out into hives, welts all over my body from something I ate? $120 to see the doc on board so we say no, take benedryl and pray for the moring to come!! another BAD incident

Friday- caught early flight to DC on JetBlue (love them) and headed home!!


and that was the vacation!