stings like a bee

The past few weeks a lot of feelings and emotions have been brought back to the surface. I thought I was passed the dream and visions of being pregnant. I really never do think about it, until it slams me in the face. One of our friends is pregnant, she too suffers from infertility. However, it took them one cycle of an IUI and WHAM pregnant with triplets. I feel so many emotions. Mad, jealous, scared for them, why did it happen so fast? We dropped thousands over 5 years and are now getting ready to pay the same amount for an adoption! The one thing I don't feel is the "I will never have a baby" feeling I used to always feel. I do know we will, I do know it will happen when it is suppose to, but it still stings.

On a positive note, I took the recommendation of some friends and bought the Happiest Baby on the Block. Mom also gave me How to Raise an Amazing Child, The Montessori Way ( of course!). So those are on the shelf. Sorry, but the Twilight series has first priority!

the one resolution

I can't believe a year has passed since I made my Top 8 of 08! This New Year's was different. I actually did not feel like I was counting the seconds until it was over! I didn't feel like I just wanted it to hurry up and end! I think I might be healing?

The one resolution from last year that I did stick to was resolving our infertility. I can't express the relief and happiness knowing that I will NEVER put myself through that nightmare again. Yes, I am happy in a sense that it lead us to where we are now, but thankful that book (many chapters) is closed. Not much to report on the adoption side. We bought a new car for the new year. Years ago I bought my 4Runner with all intentions of filling it with children. You know those years when you were so naive thinking you could just get pregnant on your own! haha At least now I know I will be chauffeuring around more than just my dogs!