Saturday, January 17, 2009

stings like a bee

The past few weeks a lot of feelings and emotions have been brought back to the surface. I thought I was passed the dream and visions of being pregnant. I really never do think about it, until it slams me in the face. One of our friends is pregnant, she too suffers from infertility. However, it took them one cycle of an IUI and WHAM pregnant with triplets. I feel so many emotions. Mad, jealous, scared for them, why did it happen so fast? We dropped thousands over 5 years and are now getting ready to pay the same amount for an adoption! The one thing I don't feel is the "I will never have a baby" feeling I used to always feel. I do know we will, I do know it will happen when it is suppose to, but it still stings.

On a positive note, I took the recommendation of some friends and bought the Happiest Baby on the Block. Mom also gave me How to Raise an Amazing Child, The Montessori Way ( of course!). So those are on the shelf. Sorry, but the Twilight series has first priority!

5 comments:

anonymouseandcheese said...

Hang in there - it does get better, I promise!

Brett said...

I'm sorry those feelings are back. And I'm sure it will continue to sting until you have your baby in your arms. I know its easy for me to say, since I was never in your shoes, but, three years in- it doesn't matter how Ryan came into our lives. People get so focused on pregnancy and birth- only to find years later that it doesnt really matter in the long run. Seeing Rylee and Ryan together, my experience was so different then Holly's yet Rylee is a mama's boy just like Ryan- and Holly is a fantastic mom. You will be great to your baby, and will have a wonderful story to tell them one day- about how long you waited for THEM- and how much energy, love, money and emotion went into creating your family. Love you girl! Stay strong. ash

Patti Rae said...

Julie, I'm so glad you know you will have a baby someday. I can't wait to be there to share this time with you as you await your baby.

Jamie said...

Julie ~ I hear ya sister! I'm bracing myself for the next pregnancy news I get (I'm sure it will be a sister) and know it will sting as usual. I'm praying that it won't last forever...for either of us and that you get your phone call SOON! :) Hang in there ~ I think of you so often!:)
Jamie

81-Boy said...

I have to say when you told me the news of the triplets I felt anger and hurt and a multitude of other emotions as well.

I think the same way as you, why was it so easy for them, why do we continue to wait? There was another side of me that was happy and feeling blessed for them, I think it is something that GOD has put in my heart. I want others to know and feel happiness, and joy and peace. This is not to say that I never want that because nothing in the world would make me more happy then you and I to have our child today.

Trust ME...I know that DAY is coming and it will be the most amazing day you and I could ever have...I love you and you must know your not alone and your feelings are real and normal.

OUR time will come and for that single moment... earth will stand still and we will know what it is like to feel peace, joy and happiness on earth. Most importantly what it is like to feel the love and understanding that only a parent can feel.

Love Greg