Sunday, March 7, 2010

the club

My girlfriends and I always say we could write a book on all the stupid things people say to you when you are trying to get pregnant. Who would have thought that the ignorant comments continue once you adopt. For the first few weeks people would comment on how great I looked for just having a child. It was flattering at first and I would smile and say that we adopted and that is why I look and feel wonderful. Well, 12 weeks later, it is getting a little annoying. Another comment that has got me in a fit, is the "welcome to the club" comments. One of Greg's family members actually said, " welcome to the club..see what you have been missing all these years." Are you serious? Like we were purposely not trying to have a family? I don't like these "club" comments one bit. It makes me feel like I did when I was going through treatments. Like you only belong if you can get pregnant and carry a child. So now that we have a child we can be a part of this exclusive club? Please. I don't feel a part of a fertile couple's club. I feel more a part of a community of adoptive parents that have struggled and prayed and hoped for their miracle to find them. Adoption is an experience I would never trade being pregnant for! That desire is long gone.

3 comments:

Baby Wanted said...

AMEN!! Someone recently told me that once we have our baby, I will be part of the best club in the world: the mommy's club. I didn't know what to say, for the first time ever I was speechless because I don't want to be part of the fertile club. I don't feel like we have much in common because I'm going to be a part of something even more beautiful than giving birth, I'm going to be a mommy to a child who didn't come from my womb yet my love will be even stronger than hers for her childs. Sorry...I didn't mean to ramble on!

Danielle said...

I'm sorry you are dealing with these comments....I just can't believe that people can't see how those comments would offend someone who's been through IF. I understand that no one really "gets it" like those of us who've been there, but I think people can try to be little more sensitive!!! Geez! Anyway, hope you're enjoying every minute with your beautiful little one!

Jamie said...

i feel so much the same way julie! i never wanted to be part of "a club" i just wanted to be a mom. i had one of my neighbors say to me "oh, now i can invite you over!" what??! you couldn't invite me over before because i didn't have any kids? whatever.....
i'm still very "bitter" towards anything to do with "mom clubs" ~ i tend to stay away. :) at some point i should probably get over it for milo's sake! :) he has lots of cousins to play with though...and we don't have to sign up for some "club"! :)