full circle

Some of you may remember that we were put on an IVF waiting list for the base program. In December 2006, they told us we were in line for November 2008. This would be the reason we jumped ship and went to a civilian doctor. The base had to cut 25 people off the list and we then moved up in line to May 2008. In the Fall, the base program was put on an indefinite hold. Well, this week will be May 2008 and our military doctor will perform the FET at my civilian doctor's office. Funny how things work out. I think we have decided that this will be our last attempt. Our friends were over yesterday with their babies and I think it just confirmed for Greg that we just want a child to raise and to finally have our own family. I won't be publicizing when the pregnancy test will be. However, when I have news to share, good or bad, I will share it when I am ready. Please just pray for our little embryos that will be defrosted on Friday!

neighborly advice

Throughout these past few years we have dealt with some really ignorant comments. One day maybe I will write a post on what not to say to someone struggling with infertility. When I was least expecting it, another piece of "advice" was thrown my way. I was outside chatting with the neighbor. Greg walks out and the neighbor starts bragging about a concert next Tuesday that Greg wants to go to. I said, "See it is on Tuesday and we have class so you can't go anyway." The neighbor than turns to me and says, " What class?". It took me about two seconds to debate in my head what to say. So I proudly say, " A class on adoption." Are you ready?? Here it comes.... "Julie, please.. you just need to work harder at it!" ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Here I am thinking that five years, 6 IUI's, 2 IVF's, a baby that died in me, and $25,000 was working hard!!! What a blow. I simply said, " Well on that note, I am leaving, Greg you can fill him in." I turned looked at Greg and went to get dinner. Granted, my neighbor has no clue what we have gone through, but why did that have to be the comment that came out?

another little miracle

Our friends Jenn and Rich welcomed their son Cameron David to the world yesterday. Jenn and I met at our first support group meeting. She and Rich have had a long road on this journey also. Cameron is the most precious thing ever and a true miracle. We love you guys and are so happy for you both! Remember, we are right across the street if you need a babysitter!

round 3

Here we go again. Had an ultrasound this morning and I am right on track, so shots start tonight. Thought I would post this picture of my FET meds. Funny thing is, this is not as many I usually have for a fresh IVF cycle!

april 4th

Today is the 1 year anniversary of my due date. I am not as sad today as I was this day last year, but my heart is still heavy. Greg and I received this poem at our adoptive parenting class on Tuesday. I thought it was somewhat appropriate for today.

Today I closed the door of the nursery
I had kept for you in my heart

I can no longer stand in its doorway.
I have waited for you there so long.
I cannot forever live on the periphery
of the dream world we share, and you
cannot enter my world.

I have fought to bring you across the
threshold of conception and birth.
I have fought time, doctors, devils and
God Almighty.
I am weary and there is no victory.

Other children may someday live in my
heart but never in your place.

I can never hold you. I can never really
let you go. But I must go on.

The unborn are forever trapped within the
Living, but it is unseemly for the Living
to be trapped forever by the unborn.