april 4th

Today is the 1 year anniversary of my due date. I am not as sad today as I was this day last year, but my heart is still heavy. Greg and I received this poem at our adoptive parenting class on Tuesday. I thought it was somewhat appropriate for today.

Today I closed the door of the nursery
I had kept for you in my heart

I can no longer stand in its doorway.
I have waited for you there so long.
I cannot forever live on the periphery
of the dream world we share, and you
cannot enter my world.

I have fought to bring you across the
threshold of conception and birth.
I have fought time, doctors, devils and
God Almighty.
I am weary and there is no victory.

Other children may someday live in my
heart but never in your place.

I can never hold you. I can never really
let you go. But I must go on.

The unborn are forever trapped within the
Living, but it is unseemly for the Living
to be trapped forever by the unborn.