Monday, October 6, 2008

our time

Let me just preface by saying these are my thoughts. I started this blog so I would have an outlet to release my feelings about all this infertility crap. It has been a year since Greg deployed. The years seem to be clicking by and we still do not have a child. The Fall is a very hard time for us even though it is our favorite time of year. October reminds us of loosing our baby and then the holidays just bring another reminder of being just the 2 of us. Lately, I have had the "last man standing" blues. Don't get me wrong, we are both so happy to be on a new journey, but it is still a journey. It still has its ups and downs like IF. It still has its "unfairness" and disappointments. My body might not be examined but now it is our life, our finances, our home etc. I feel like we are smack dab right in the middle of treatments again. It just always feels like we are the only ones without a child. It is still hard for me to be surrounded by children. It's hard for me to walk into Target and see families picking out their Halloween costumes. I think maybe the 7 hours with kids at school is enough for me. We started this 5 years ago , we are 33 years old and still nothing.

I realized this weekend..you know what? This is our time. This is our time to be couple, hang out with other couples, do what we want before a baby comes. Unlike being pregnant, we don't have 9 months to prepare ourselves, enjoy a pregnancy as husband and wife and know exactly when the baby should arrive. Who knows when our baby will come? It could be next month. I can't let myself feel bad for being selfish right now. I have spent the past years living in a fog. Now I am going to enjoy my husband before he leaves again (say your prayers it could be sooner than later) and enjoy this time as Greg and Julie. Hopefully when our child comes, we won't have any regrets for the time we spent before becoming parents.

6 comments:

Kymberli said...

I love your viewpoint. I like the inherent point that no matter how far or how near that day is, the time between here and now is less and less with each passing day. Someday (hopefully soon!), you and Greg will be parents, so enjoying these days and making the most of the couple time you have together makes perfect sense. I hope though, that the wait won't be too much longer.

Jenn said...

I like the new background, very cute.

You should enjoy that time now. Have fun and do what you want to do. Especially since you & Greg aren't always together all the time, every year you should enjoy each other as a couple.

I am sorry about all the red tape and paperwork with the adoption. It is so unfair. You both are so ready and have so much love to give. I hope you do not get discouraged with all the bureacuracy of this part fo the journey.

Jamie said...

Julie...i feel your pain. There are so many ups and downs....seems like lately there's been more downs for me. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and that you're not alone in your thoughts. We WILL get through this and we will be fabulous mamas!! :)

Stephanie said...

Glad to hear that you are having such a positive attitude on where you are in life right now:) I think it is great for you to enjoy some Julie and Greg time now!

Patti Rae said...

Julie,

Don't feel quilty one iota for the way you feel!!!!!!! You and Greg will be ready for your baby and that baby will be the luckiest baby in the world to have a mommy and daddy like you!!!!

Love you both!!!

jmpoesch said...

This is exactly the right way to be thinking. Go and have fun - you're only 33 once!