our time

Let me just preface by saying these are my thoughts. I started this blog so I would have an outlet to release my feelings about all this infertility crap. It has been a year since Greg deployed. The years seem to be clicking by and we still do not have a child. The Fall is a very hard time for us even though it is our favorite time of year. October reminds us of loosing our baby and then the holidays just bring another reminder of being just the 2 of us. Lately, I have had the "last man standing" blues. Don't get me wrong, we are both so happy to be on a new journey, but it is still a journey. It still has its ups and downs like IF. It still has its "unfairness" and disappointments. My body might not be examined but now it is our life, our finances, our home etc. I feel like we are smack dab right in the middle of treatments again. It just always feels like we are the only ones without a child. It is still hard for me to be surrounded by children. It's hard for me to walk into Target and see families picking out their Halloween costumes. I think maybe the 7 hours with kids at school is enough for me. We started this 5 years ago , we are 33 years old and still nothing.

I realized this weekend..you know what? This is our time. This is our time to be couple, hang out with other couples, do what we want before a baby comes. Unlike being pregnant, we don't have 9 months to prepare ourselves, enjoy a pregnancy as husband and wife and know exactly when the baby should arrive. Who knows when our baby will come? It could be next month. I can't let myself feel bad for being selfish right now. I have spent the past years living in a fog. Now I am going to enjoy my husband before he leaves again (say your prayers it could be sooner than later) and enjoy this time as Greg and Julie. Hopefully when our child comes, we won't have any regrets for the time we spent before becoming parents.