resolve to hope

Most of you that follow this blog know that my friend Jenn and I are organizing the RESOVLE Ohio Family Building Conference in April. For the past seven months or so, this "little" conference has become our second job, to say the least. I don't know if I have ever put so much time, effort and compassion into one single event! This conference has so much meaning for me. It actually is taking place on the second anniversary of my due date. When we first booked the venue, I thought " how in the world am I going to be able to see April 4, 2009 written on everything?" Well, as the months have gone on, I have come to see it as more of a tribute and my way of giving back to a group that helped me get out of a very very sad time in my life.

More detail on our conference can be found at www.greatlakes.resolve.org. Spread the word, registration is open!

a year gone by

Greg and I just realized today that he came home a year ago tomorrow. Wow, that went fast. It's great he has been home, but in his job once the year mark hits he is available to go again. We've been sitting on pins and needles for the past month or so waiting for the word. I know it is a strong possibility that he will deploy again this summer for six months. People keep asking me what I will do about the adoption if he does go and we get a call. Will I adopt the baby with him overseas, will I turn down a match or will I take us off the list until he gets back? Honestly, I have no clue. I am trying not to think about those decisions until it becomes a reality. I just can't imagine Greg not sharing in the day we finally become parents.

stings like a bee

The past few weeks a lot of feelings and emotions have been brought back to the surface. I thought I was passed the dream and visions of being pregnant. I really never do think about it, until it slams me in the face. One of our friends is pregnant, she too suffers from infertility. However, it took them one cycle of an IUI and WHAM pregnant with triplets. I feel so many emotions. Mad, jealous, scared for them, why did it happen so fast? We dropped thousands over 5 years and are now getting ready to pay the same amount for an adoption! The one thing I don't feel is the "I will never have a baby" feeling I used to always feel. I do know we will, I do know it will happen when it is suppose to, but it still stings.

On a positive note, I took the recommendation of some friends and bought the Happiest Baby on the Block. Mom also gave me How to Raise an Amazing Child, The Montessori Way ( of course!). So those are on the shelf. Sorry, but the Twilight series has first priority!

the one resolution

I can't believe a year has passed since I made my Top 8 of 08! This New Year's was different. I actually did not feel like I was counting the seconds until it was over! I didn't feel like I just wanted it to hurry up and end! I think I might be healing?

The one resolution from last year that I did stick to was resolving our infertility. I can't express the relief and happiness knowing that I will NEVER put myself through that nightmare again. Yes, I am happy in a sense that it lead us to where we are now, but thankful that book (many chapters) is closed. Not much to report on the adoption side. We bought a new car for the new year. Years ago I bought my 4Runner with all intentions of filling it with children. You know those years when you were so naive thinking you could just get pregnant on your own! haha At least now I know I will be chauffeuring around more than just my dogs!

what now?

So our home study arrived safely in Florida! I also have two copies here for safe keeping. The question is what do we do now? I do have to mail four more copies of our profile. My goal is to get those out by the new year. I've been asking some other adoptive parents what to do during this time. Do we register? That seems weird to me. I don't want to jinx us, but then again I don't want to be totally unprepared if we have a short wait. If we have a long wait, we could be in a new house in another state when our baby comes home. I refuse to prepare a nursery or have a shower before we are matched. It's just doesn't feel right and still brings back some hard memories.
I think I have decided to just do my research on the necessary items, Greg will love looking on Consumer Reports for that stuff! We are trying to spend as much time as possible together when he is home. Our vacation is planned and booked for April! WHOA! We are finally looking forward to our family being here for Christmas.
I would love suggestions on parenting books or books for Greg that don't revolve or mention your wife during pregnancy. We need more of " this is what you do when the baby arrives." It is an exciting time, knowing that this will really happen one day. No turning back now!

now we are there

We are officially approved to adopt! The letter came in the mail today that our homestudy was approved! We are officially a waiting family!

not quite there

On Wednesday night we met with our social worker for our last home study visit! Basically, we just signed some papers, ate dinner and talked for a while. We feel so blessed to have had a wonderful home study experience! It was overwhelming at times, but in the end I actually kinda liked it! I can't say we are "certified" yet because our last reference arrived at the agency today and now she will write the final copy and send it to the agency. This agency will in turn send to the Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services and then onto our placement agency in Florida! I'm waiting for the fee that will be tacked onto my home study having to do all this traveling. So now we wait... Luckily I am super busy with work (way more demanding than I thought it would be!) and planning the Resolve conference. Hopefully, it will make the wait go by faster! I'm very nervous for the wait and wondering how long it will be before I start to get really frustrated!