October 9th

So this is the day I have been dreading all year. Today is the anniversary of losing our baby. Since we don't know the exact date our baby passed we go by the date we found out. Once we knew Greg was leaving, I started to dread this week. I did not want to go through today alone. Being home has helped because I am working so I did not sit around and think about it. However, all the memories are so vivid, and since it happened here, it makes it somewhat worse. I remember every detail, even down to what we were wearing at the hospital. After we got the news, I had to wait two days to have the surgery. So basically it was three days of finding out your baby was dead. For some reason doctors feel the need to confirm and then confirm again.

Greg called me twice. I think he used up his entire week's worth of calls on today. He talked to the base Chaplain and forwarded me a beautiful letter. I balled me eyes out. It seems he is struggling with today also and I am so glad he sought out someone to talk to. I also know he hates being away when something is upsetting me.
I'm not sure what we would have done today if we were together. There is an Angel Memorial in Columbus, which we haven't been to but probably would have taken today to do that.

Thank you for those of you that wrote to Greg and I today. I think sometimes people forget that the Dad grieves also because they are so focused on the person who carried the child. I really appreciate all the love and support we have received in the last 12 months!