the fourth of april

Our conference was a success! The day went as smooth as it possible could and we got great reviews from our Headquarters representative! A few couples came up and personally thanked either me or Jenn and told us how much they needed what they experienced Saturday. I know all our hard work helped those that were there that day and in the end, that is what I wanted.

Personally, I was doing great all day until Jenn texted me late that night to tell me she had been thinking of my due date all day and that my angel would be proud of me. I lost it! It was the first time that day that I let myself think of our baby. And then I thought of Jenn's babies. Saturday was a gorgeous sunny day here. I know our little ones were shining down on us. If it weren't for the babies we have both lost, we would not know each other and we would never have done what we accomplished this weekend!

a bump in the road

I have been so busy that I forgot to post about the letter we received in the mail. It was from our agency. Basically it stated that with the economy there has been a decrease in adoptions. I would think the opposite, but ok. Also birthmothers are asking for more money towards expenses. Our agency recommended increasing your cap, if your budget allows. One positive thing in the letter was that they have stopped accepting applications. Good for us since we have already been waiting seven months.
I emailed our agency about another issue, and I asked her how the letter effects us personally. In reference to increasing our cap, she said we were fine. We have enough cushion in there to provide expenses. That was good to hear!
Next weekend at the conference, I have an adoption consultant coming to speak from FL. I am going to pick her brain about why the sudden decrease in birthmothers.
Our agency has also increased the amount of advertising. So we will now be featured on a national website! I will post the link on the blog once we are live.
So a little bump in the road. I really was not upset by the letter since Greg is leaving and I know our wait is going to be long no matter what now.

basic baby care

Yesterday Greg and I spent the day as students! We had signed up for a Basic Baby Care and CPR class for adoptive parents. It was so nice being able to be in a room full of couples that are adopting and not ready to pop! The woman that taught the class is an adoptive parent herself and taught and told us things that she wished she had known before her daughter came home. She refused to prepare for her child, so when they got the call that her daughter was here and ready to be brought home, she had nothing. She had not even told work that this might happen!
She asked us when the best time to prepare is and I said when you are matched. Turns out that is the worst time to prepare! She feels the best time to prepare is now. That way you are getting ready for YOUR child and not a specific one, if a match should fail. Greg however, is not ready to prepare. I think if I ease him and myself in slowly it will start to feel ok. Maybe I can get him to buy a Harley Davidson onesie this weekend!

resolve to hope

Most of you that follow this blog know that my friend Jenn and I are organizing the RESOVLE Ohio Family Building Conference in April. For the past seven months or so, this "little" conference has become our second job, to say the least. I don't know if I have ever put so much time, effort and compassion into one single event! This conference has so much meaning for me. It actually is taking place on the second anniversary of my due date. When we first booked the venue, I thought " how in the world am I going to be able to see April 4, 2009 written on everything?" Well, as the months have gone on, I have come to see it as more of a tribute and my way of giving back to a group that helped me get out of a very very sad time in my life.

More detail on our conference can be found at www.greatlakes.resolve.org. Spread the word, registration is open!

a year gone by

Greg and I just realized today that he came home a year ago tomorrow. Wow, that went fast. It's great he has been home, but in his job once the year mark hits he is available to go again. We've been sitting on pins and needles for the past month or so waiting for the word. I know it is a strong possibility that he will deploy again this summer for six months. People keep asking me what I will do about the adoption if he does go and we get a call. Will I adopt the baby with him overseas, will I turn down a match or will I take us off the list until he gets back? Honestly, I have no clue. I am trying not to think about those decisions until it becomes a reality. I just can't imagine Greg not sharing in the day we finally become parents.

stings like a bee

The past few weeks a lot of feelings and emotions have been brought back to the surface. I thought I was passed the dream and visions of being pregnant. I really never do think about it, until it slams me in the face. One of our friends is pregnant, she too suffers from infertility. However, it took them one cycle of an IUI and WHAM pregnant with triplets. I feel so many emotions. Mad, jealous, scared for them, why did it happen so fast? We dropped thousands over 5 years and are now getting ready to pay the same amount for an adoption! The one thing I don't feel is the "I will never have a baby" feeling I used to always feel. I do know we will, I do know it will happen when it is suppose to, but it still stings.

On a positive note, I took the recommendation of some friends and bought the Happiest Baby on the Block. Mom also gave me How to Raise an Amazing Child, The Montessori Way ( of course!). So those are on the shelf. Sorry, but the Twilight series has first priority!

the one resolution

I can't believe a year has passed since I made my Top 8 of 08! This New Year's was different. I actually did not feel like I was counting the seconds until it was over! I didn't feel like I just wanted it to hurry up and end! I think I might be healing?

The one resolution from last year that I did stick to was resolving our infertility. I can't express the relief and happiness knowing that I will NEVER put myself through that nightmare again. Yes, I am happy in a sense that it lead us to where we are now, but thankful that book (many chapters) is closed. Not much to report on the adoption side. We bought a new car for the new year. Years ago I bought my 4Runner with all intentions of filling it with children. You know those years when you were so naive thinking you could just get pregnant on your own! haha At least now I know I will be chauffeuring around more than just my dogs!