Sundays

One thing I was really looking forward to this winter was Sundays with my dad. A few years ago we introduced him to Fantasy Football. Of course he is hooked just as much as we are. So every Sunday since I got home on September 16th we have sat in our recliners with our laptops on our laps devoting the day to football and our fantasy teams. Well, today Fantasy comes to an end. But not before crowning 2 Superbowl Champs in the Mills house!! Dad and I each won our leagues. How cool is that? Devotion pays off! Ok, a good draft and some really good luck helps too! Our Sundays won't end as we still have the playoffs to enjoy together. Football Sundays have been our special thing together and I cherish every moment of them.

White Nights and Hell's Kitchen #1!

Queen of The Boys Club

As of today I am the 2007 Fantasy Football Champion! Yeah for me! I will be anxiously awaiting my winnings so I can spend them wisely on a new Coach bag! Isn't that what all Superbowl Champs want?

I Wanta Rock!

Greg and Kid..



I especially like this one!


Who's this? Greg looks way to cozy with her!




He looks old!

Promo Info Night

I am actually enjoying posting about something good for a change! Here is Greg, the night they informed him of the selection. It is so weird to see a leaf on his collar! I'd like everyone to take notice of the vacuum in the background! No, he did not take ours over there! haha

O Four!

Just wanted to let everyone know that Greg made MAJOR (O-4)!I have yet to talk to him, but he left a message and I double checked the list on the AFPC website so I could see it for myself! It probably won't be until this time next year when he pins it on, but nonetheless we are so proud. It seems like yesterday when I went to visit him at basic training when he was a Private First Class in the Army. That was 12 and a half years ago. He has come so far and earned every minute of it! So congrats to Greg and all our friends who also found out today!

They Keep Me Sane

I thought I would post a picture of my girls here. Many of you constantly hear me talk about Alisha (left) and Amy (right), so I thought you might like to put a face with a name. I've been so fortunate to have great friends at home that keep me sane while Greg is gone, that will listen to me complain and tell me the truth when I need to hear it! Yesterday, Alisha and I drove to Richmond to do a cookie exchange with Amy and some of her family and work friends. It was fun, but too short of a visit. I'm getting spoiled being able to hang out with them so much! Hopefully, they will make it to Ohio in 2008 (hint, hint)!Thank you both for being you,LITP!

Status of My Goals

As many of you know I set a few goals for myself during this deployment. Since we are halfway through I thought I would check in and let you know where I am. This might be a long post.

Goal #1- To run a 5K. CHECK! I am still running but I have started a new 5K program over at a faster pace. Dad said I look thinner so maybe it is paying off?

Goal #2- To read each night. Well I have finished 5 books. All chic lit but I love them. I am on my 6th book now. Greg and I have really tried to implement reading more into our daily life in Ohio. For some reason, TiVo always wins out. That will change when he returns.

Goal #3- To educate myself on adoption. This is probably the most interesting goal. I have attended two adoption conferences here in Virginia. One was a crash course into all the different types of adoption. This conference was great because I came out with an idea of what I would and wouldn't be comfortable with. The last seminar was strictly about Private Adoption. This is when you hire a lawyer and do not use an agency. The adoptive couple also does all of its own advertising. Surprisingly this is the route I feel the most drawn to. Maybe it is because you have more control over this type of adoption than the other options. However, with private adoption you do talk to and get to know the birth mother. Not sure how either of us feel about that situation. I have contacted an adoption attorney in Ohio and will look into agencies there also. Still more to learn and decide.

So there I am. Two months left. Please lets get through December and the holidays and then I think it might be downhill from there!

Turkey Trotters

Here is a pic of all my supporters from yesterday! It was a gorgeous morning and I finished in the time that I expected. Now the challenge of increasing my speed and distance. Thanks for all the TEAM HALL love!

Interesting Quote

A friend sent this to me today in a forwarded email. We've learned a lot about relationships this year. Our relationship with each other, with family and with friends. I thought I would share.

God determines who walks into your life....it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.

I hope it makes you think about those relationships in your life.

Hometown Hero

Just thought I would take this moment to brag a little about Greg. Looks like he won Company Grade Officer (CGO) of the month for the Mission Support Group! He is also the CGOC President and had lunch with some big wigs the other day. At lunch there was a man from Dayton who wants him to be recognized as a Hometown Hero at a Dayton Dragons (baseball) game this Spring. Of course Greg agreed, anything for free baseball tickets! :) He's doing really well just missing home!

The Buckeye State

Tomorrow I leave to fly back to VA. I've enjoyed my short visit here. We have been truly blessed with good friends and neighbors here in the buckeye state. Thank you all for watching the house and cleaning it (when necessary ha ha)! It has been nice to be back in my own house with my own things, but the emptiness and the silence is for the birds. Opening the door and not having the bark of a German shepherd and the tail flapping of a golden running at you makes me feel very lonely. So back to Virginia I go. I miss my house, but it really isn't a home when your loved one is so far away.

Fun in Qatar

Happy Halloween!

Greg sent this video of he and his buddy surprising their flight with some Halloween cheer! I got a little surprise myself with a nice arrangement of flowers from my hubby, hoping my day was fun filled. If you ever spend Halloween day in a classroom it is ALWAYS fun filled!:)

Enjoy! The video is hilarious!!!

the Obsession

I have been obsessed now for a week or so about where to go on vacation when Greg gets back. Since I cannot decide please help me and take the poll! Each has its own pros and cons. The purpose of the trip is to be alone and "reconnect". Chose which one you think would best meet the goal!

100 days and carepackage info!

Greg has been gone 20 days! It feels like at least 50! It will probably be a little more than 100 left but at least I can start counting now! :) A few of you have asked what to send him in a care package. I've been thinking a lot and have come up with a few things. I will list here.

1. Air Fresheners (plug ins) his room is a nightmare
2. Magazines (he already gets SCUBA, MAXIM, STUFF, MEN's JOURNAL) he loves Men's Health, Kiplingers, Money, anything like Consumer Reports or anything with college or NFL football.
3. Candy- Twizzlers, Starburst, Skittles- he's not really a chocolate person
4. Old DVD's that you don't want anymore or that he could return to you.
5. Here is a big one! IF you live in an area that sells TastyKakes. The brand TastyKakes, he LOVES them. We can't buy them in Ohio. BUT PhillyFlava in Tampa (patti) has them. He likes the Butterscotch Krimpets. I looked here today, no luck in the butterscotch.

I will post more if he sends out any hints of what he needs. He's not as "secluded" as usual so there is access to most of what he needs. Most of all I know he would just love to hear from everyone. He totally does not expect any packages.But I know they are fun to put together, especially during the holidays. It took about 5 days business days for my packages to get there.

I hope this helps! Thank you in advance!

Pregnancy and Infant Loss

Today is the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day. Just want my friends that have lost babies to know that I have been thinking about you and your little ones all day. I wouldn't know any of you if I hadn't lost our miracle and that is the only good thing that came out of our devastation.

The Love I Found In You

For some reason this deployment seems harder. I don't know if it is because I forget what the first weeks are like. Or is it because I have become so dependent on Greg this year, that being away is harder than previous years?
Either way, I miss you terribly Greg. Thought I would post the words to our wedding song. They still ring true today! Love you more today than I did yesterday!

You are the air I need to breathe
the river of life inside of me
you are the half that made me whole
you are the anchor of my soul

and you are strong when I am weak
you are the words when I can't speak
you never fail to see me through
that's the love I found in you

you are my shelter from the storm
you are the road that leads me home
and baby with you here face to face
Oh I know I've found my place

and you are strong when I am weak
you are the words when I can't speak
you never fail to see me through
that's the love I found in you

and once in every life
you find the one that's right
and when you say forever it's true
That's the love I found in you

"I Regret to Inform You"

I guess in all the hubbub of Greg leaving I forgot to post about this. I received a certified letter last Friday from the 88th Medical Group from Wright Patterson. To be honest, I was a little freaked out. I was thinking maybe in all the blood draws we had done maybe something came back funky, or they just found something. I had no clue what this letter could be about.

Well, you know it is bad news when you see " I regret to inform you". Long story short they have put the IVF program on INDEFINITE HOLD!! So this means everyone (us) that is on the waiting list to have IVF through the base is out of luck. Good news (sarcastically) is that we keep our place in line IN CASE they reinstate it. This is horrible! This is the sole reason we came to Wright Patterson. Well at least that is what we thought. I am so thankful that my impatience took over and we went to a civilian RE in May. If not we would have wasted a year and would not have our 3 little guys waiting and would be back to square one. My heart breaks for those that have been sitting on that list for years and now have to start all over again. I could maybe understand if it was FREE and the government was cutting costs, but it isn't. Basically you save $2000-$3000 in medicine because they will let you get them for free through the base.

It is just a shame. I figured I would call in a few weeks when things calm down to see where our place really is in line. As of December 06 we were on for November 2008 ( you can see why my patience ran out). Last I heard we were moved to May of 2008, but I need to confirm.

Anyway, this just adds to the roller coaster ride of infertility. Nothing like your IVF program getting cancelled!I am SO SO SO happy Jenn referred us to Dr. B!!

October 9th

So this is the day I have been dreading all year. Today is the anniversary of losing our baby. Since we don't know the exact date our baby passed we go by the date we found out. Once we knew Greg was leaving, I started to dread this week. I did not want to go through today alone. Being home has helped because I am working so I did not sit around and think about it. However, all the memories are so vivid, and since it happened here, it makes it somewhat worse. I remember every detail, even down to what we were wearing at the hospital. After we got the news, I had to wait two days to have the surgery. So basically it was three days of finding out your baby was dead. For some reason doctors feel the need to confirm and then confirm again.

Greg called me twice. I think he used up his entire week's worth of calls on today. He talked to the base Chaplain and forwarded me a beautiful letter. I balled me eyes out. It seems he is struggling with today also and I am so glad he sought out someone to talk to. I also know he hates being away when something is upsetting me.
I'm not sure what we would have done today if we were together. There is an Angel Memorial in Columbus, which we haven't been to but probably would have taken today to do that.

Thank you for those of you that wrote to Greg and I today. I think sometimes people forget that the Dad grieves also because they are so focused on the person who carried the child. I really appreciate all the love and support we have received in the last 12 months!

A Glimpse

Just thought I would share. It is not that much , but the first glimpse of him since he left. I'm hoping for more pictures in the months to come since he took our camera!BTW, I have no clue what he is carrying.

Sweet Tea

The reason why I am up this late is because I drank a sweet tea after 8pm. Let me tell you, there is nothing like a good sweet tea. Now that I am back in VA and McDonald's has the $1 sweet tea, I have substituted it for Starbucks. Don't know how many know this, but I have started to train for my first 5K. Jenn had told me about a podcast. It is called Couch to 5k. It is a nine week program that gets you off the couch and running a 5k in 9weeks. So I have set a goal to run the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day. I have spent 3 years now only working on having a baby and not my own body and health. A good friend of mine from high school popped in to see us last month. We played field hockey together. Seeing her made me remember what an athlete I used to be. Where did that go? I was an athlete all my life and it seems that as soon as I began this journey I've let that fall by the wayside. The medication and emotional strain has taken a toll on me. So now that I have a few months by myself, this is what I have decided to do.

Tomorrow I am dragging Alisha to an Adoption seminar with me. It is more of an informational seminar for those that are in the process and those that are thinking about adopting. I am more in the " I better educate myself on this" stage. I don't want to be ignorant or naive thinking we will never have to adopt. This week I spent working with a friend of the family who adopted a spunky little boy from Korea. She made a comment to me when we were talking about husbands and deciding when that time is right to adopt. She said, " well as you know from being a teacher you can love any child." I never looked at it that way. I have loved all my prior students, all in their own special way, some more than others at times! But that is so true. Why wouldn't I love a child that finds its way to us? Why is Greg more on board about this than me? I hope to be enlightened tomorrow and soon be able to answer the question, " Do you want to be a mother, or do you want to be pregnant?" Because in the end that is what it really comes down to.

Info on Greg

I have Greg's email and mailing address, finally! But I don't think I should post it here for security reasons. I'll do a mass email to those of you that have already asked for it. Things seem extremely busy with him. He called in the middle of the night last night. The room he was assigned to was trashed! When I say trashed, I mean trashed! Greg said he had already thrown out 3 bags of trash, needed to mop and the room smelled like smoke. He said I didn't even want to know what was left behind. Obviously, whoever was doing room checkouts didn't give a crap!
Other than that, he sounds like he is settled in and in the mode. I'll write later with another update!

Hearts Apart

The caller ID on my cell says Hearts Apart. It's Greg! He made it! It's 3am, over in the desert it is 11am. Greg sounded tired, said he would tell me about the flights later. Hum? Knowing us, I bet something (or someone) interesting happened!

Hearts Apart is a program for deployed family and spouses through base Family Readiness. It is through Hearts Apart that we get our free phone calls. I think it is an hour a week. However, you can spilt the 60 minutes up whichever way you like. It's just like my husband to preprogram the phone number into my cell. Hearts Apart usually has monthly events and group outings for families. I've never gone to one because it is for FAMILIES. That would imply you have a child. Most of the events are child related. It's a great program, don't get me wrong, but their aren't many 32 year old non-mothers attending the zoo day trip or pizza night! You can be sure I will be on the list to get the monthly email calendar and weekly reminders of all the events. Just another friendly reminder that I am infertile!!!

Enough complaining....I am so thankful that Greg made it safe and now I can finally get some sleep!

Thanks again for all the prayers and support!

2 Goodbyes

Well he is finally on his way. Greg was scheduled to leave Wednesday, but thanks to a broken plane and a rental car I got to have one more day with him. We said our second goodbye last night on the front porch while the rain was pouring down. I don't know if I was more upset this time, or if I have just forgotten how it feels to be left, but I was quite sad. Right now I just want to know that he has landed safely and as each day finishes it is one day closer to him coming back.

Once he has contacted me with all his info I will post it here. I know he would love to get an email from everyone. I'm hoping he might post on here as well, but that depends if they have access to regular Internet stuff.

Friends, Florida & Family

Greg and I have met so many people between Alaska, New Mexico and now Ohio. We've been lucky to form strong friendships in each one of these states.Greg and I feel so blessed to have true, genuine friends in our life. Friends, that are there for you no matter where you live. Friends that make you a better person when you are around them. Friends that know just the right thing to say or not to say when you are at the lowest of lows.

The Allmans and the Hilliards are these type of friends. Maybe that is why I love to go down to Florida and see them. Both of these families were so thoughtful and caring when we lost our baby. I've said many of times that losing our child was a real wake up call for me. Our TRUE friends emerged and shined more brightly then ever before. Patti and Tom Allman show Greg and I what a true solid marriage is all about. They restore our faith in GOD when we seem to forget that there is a plan for us. Kayla is their gorgeous 15 year old who is a testament to their outstanding parenting! She is typical teenager who loves her girlfriends, playing sports etc, but she is grounded with good morals and values.

Andy and Silvia are another awesome couple with their two little ones Nina and Naya. I think Greg admires Andy and his dedication to his family. Greg constantly makes comments about what a great father he is to the girls and how hard he works. Silvia has the job I long for. She is a very educated woman but took time off to be a mother. Besides being a wonderful patient mother, she has been a great friend to me. Silvia always takes the time to ask how I am doing and holding up with these struggles we face. Andy and Silvia were the first to send us flowers after the baby. I didn't know anyone would do that for us. But when I read the card and saw they were from them I wasn't really surprised. We just looked at each other and said, " They are so great."

And so our trip to Tampa ended this morning, but we surrounded ourselves with these good people and had a wonderful time. Being around these two families just makes us want one of our own even more. Going to high school games and chasing two little ones around the house is what we long for. Thank you guys, for always being there for us and showing us what family is all about!

"A friend is one who strengthens you with prayers, blesses you with love and encourages you with hope."

Sunshine State: Here We Come!

Right now we are back in Virginia, but not for long. Greg and I fly out tomorrow morning for Tampa! Oh how we love Tampa! We have friends from Alaska and New Mexico that happen to live very close to each other in Tampa. Tomorrow night we will have dinner with Andy and Silvia and then off to Patti and Tom's. I don't know if it is the sun, the water or good friends, but something about Tampa makes us so happy! Maybe we are destined to live there after the Air Force?

Most of you know Laurie and Keith our good friends from Alaska. They spent the past few days with us in Ohio. I miss them already. I miss having them down the street and working with Laurie. If you guys are reading this, thank you so much for flying out to Ohio! We will be in Idaho with bells on for the big graduation!

Being here is a reality that Greg is leaving and we won't be doing any treatments for a while. It frustrates the heck out of me, but maybe it is for the best. I have to admit it's pretty nice not getting multiple shots each night. I'm finally bruise free!

BulletProof Sunglasses

I hope everyone has taken some time today to remember all the heroes of September 11th. I know you all have your flags flying!:) I'll never forget that morning when Heather called us at 5am in Alaska to wake up and turn on our TVs.One hour later,the call came through for Greg to high tail it to work and the rest is history. Greg has completed 3 deployments since September 11th, 2001. And now the countdown begins again!
Greg will be heading out soon for #4. We spent the weekend buying extra uniforms and going through all the checklists. As we were rearranging bags, he pulls out these sunglasses and puts them on. I thought he looked ridiculous, but then he says, "These can take a bullet right through the center and not break." OK, all the sudden they didn't look so bad! Bulletproof sunglasses, who knew? Let's just hope those stay in their box! Once he gets settled over there I will post all his info in case anyone wants to drop him a line or send some goodies. In the meantime, our good friends arrive on Thursday night and then we are heading to Tampa on Monday to see some more of our favorite people. We need to get in a water fix!

The "What Went Wrong" Appointment

Today was the follow up appointment with Dr. B. I had a list of questions (thanks Devon) to ask, but Kinsey started throwing up all over the house 5 minutes before I had to leave. Needless to say, I forgot the questions. Anyway, to make a long story short, he was very disappointed in my response to the meds. He said it really worries him that I only produced 6 eggs (8 the last time). They want to retrieve 10-12. At my age, I should not be having a problem producing enough eggs. All my blood results don't show that I have an egg quality issue, but there is one more blood count they can take to see if I have Diminished Ovarian Reserve. Which means that I don't produce many eggs and that soon there won't be any left.And I mean soon, like within 3 years. This is what he is leaning towards and he repeatedly said he was nervous and worried for me. I asked him when do we call it quits and go for donor egg or adoption. He said to use our frozen guys, do one more IVF and if those fail then he would tell us to stop and get a donor.

So our plan is to do the FET when Greg returns. I asked him if he would transfer all 3 and he said yes! So now we pray that they are strong enough to survive the thaw. If we have to do one more IVF I will be labeled as a "poor responder" and put on a new protocol.

So we are on hold until Greg gets back. Which is fine. Dr. B said whatever situation would make me less stressed, and that would be waiting until he gets back.

So that is that. In the end, he feels we did "better" than New Mexico because we had 5 ready for transfer. He also made comments about how women want to lose the weight before starting another IVF, then he looked at me! So I guess I will be trying to get all this medicine weight off of me before Greg gets home!

Will You Be My Wife?

Seven years ago today, Greg asked me to be his wife. We were on the top of the Empire State building. Greg made sure were were standing on the "southside" because we met driving South on I81. Who knew back then we would be facing so many struggles today? There have been many times during this journey that I have looked at him during a procedure, and thought, " I could not imagine doing this with anyone but him." I Love You, Greg.

Tear Jerker

I stole this video from Jenn's site. The first time I watched it a bawled my eyes out. So I posted it on my myspace page and have gotten lots of comments about it. Thought I would share it here also. Get your tissues ready because it's a good one!

Sleepless in Dayton

I felt bad I had not posted the pic of Amy and Alisha's roses. I am up doing some entries for AOL and finally dumped some pictures off my camera and these were on there. Greg is in South Carolina for the little conference/training thing for commanders and flight chiefs deploying. Usually the first few days/week he is gone I can't sleep. Hence why it is after 10pm and I am up on the computer.
Greg told me today that deployments are moving to 6 months long and every 18 months. So you will be home for a year than gone 6 months. Of course he immediately added up how many years he will be deployed if he stays in for the next 12. What do I even say to that? All I want to think about is him coming home tomorrow night and us making the best out of the last 4 weeks we have together.

Empty Arms

This link was posted on the Resolve site. It's a good video and pretty much sums up our journey!

This is what the creator of the video has to say:
"Empty Arms was originally created as a personal expression during an especially difficult time and because I had only anticipated showing it to family and a few friends, it had contained some materials that could not be used beyond personal use. Due to the overwhelming response to the presentation along with many requests to share it with others and requests to use the presentation for education and awareness about infertility, I have created this new version."

http://www.vocalicious.com/empty_arms/empty_arms_mod2.html

I guess I could have posted this instead of creating a blog! :)

Surprise $$$

And no that is not Surprise we got money, that would be Surprise! you owe $450 to the lab! WHAT? A nice little bill came in the mail yesterday. I was billed for a HCG and a progesterone level. Both which I thought were included in the IVF package. Obviously everyone is going to have a pregnancy test so why would it not be included? The progestrone I thought we had prepaid. I was also billed twice for my platlet count and blood clotting times. All of which I wasn't expecting to pay but swallowed the fact that I have to. From now on I will be on Heparin which is a blood thinner and therefore they have to check to make sure you are clotting appropriately.
I immediately called the nurse and they were closed. I am waiting for a return call to get this straightened out. It would have been nice to have the option to go to base and get my labs for FREE!
My plan was to take Greg to Tampa for a few days before he leaves. However, our Tampa trip might be going to CompuNet Laboratories!

Fantasy Island

Today is the day we wait months for. The Fantasy Football Draft day! I've joined a free league with the Mills family. Greg and I are both in our friend Jeff's league. In both leagues I am the only girl. Why do boys always think girls know nothing about football? It just irks me!
So after a few hours of debating over which players to choose, we are all set up and ready to go. Greg said he is jealous because he can already picture me and dad sitting in the recliners, checking our stats and eating snacks in front of the big screen. I can see it now too and I am so excited. I love the Fall and I love watching football with my dad. Just sad Greg will be over in the desert this football season. Watch, this will be the year either the Hokies or Eagles go all the way!

Friends & Flowers

I am so thankful to have friends that have great taste in flowers! :) But seriously, I just wanted to thank Heather for all my gorgeous bouquets that got me through the week of the retrieval and transfer.


At the beginning of this week it was so rainy and dreary here. However, my day brightened up when another ProFlowers delivery arrived! This time from Alisha and Amy. A dozen assorted roses. The note read, "We love you and always thinking of you." They are beyond gorgeous. Right now they are in full bloom on my kitchen table. Thank you girls, they were totally unexpected and I love them!

It's definitely hard to have some of your closest friends miles and miles away when you are undertaking something like IVF. But it is so comforting knowing that Greg and I are always on their minds.

Only GOD Knows

In January of 2007, we were ready to proceed again with treatments. Since the military has a long waiting list for IVF we agreed to do a few IUI’s with injections in the meantime. After four unsuccessful IUI’s, we reevaluated our situation. Greg and I met with the military RE, he agreed to run more testing on us. All which came out normal. Once again, more frustration sets in as we were hoping that an answer would appear.
In July 2007, we started another IVF journey with yet another civilian RE. Mixed emotions ran through, as I was excited that we could conceive again, I was guarding my heart as I do not want to lose another child.
On July 31, 2007 Dr. B retrieved 6 eggs. I was disappointed. Since we went aggressive with the meds I thought we would get more. Turns out the quality means more than quantity because when the nurse called the next day surprisingly ALL 6 eggs fertilized. Amazing. I couldn't believe it, I was on cloud nine all day. I had not been that happy in so long.
The embryo transfer was August 3, 2007. Two beautiful 8 cell embryos were transferred and we were lucky to have 3 embryos left to freeze. Again, we were so happy and thankful that 3 embryos survived.
August 16, 2007 was my pregnancy test. Once again, my body has to let me know the answer before I even get to the blood test. I started spotting and cramping and I knew the IVF had failed. Greg stayed positive and optimistic but I was not. 16 is usually our lucky number also it was my Grandmother's birthday. Well, not so lucky this year. I got a BFN. Crushed again. The money is gone and my husband is leaving in 5 weeks to deploy. What will be our next step? Guess you have to keep coming back to this blog to find out!
This has been our journey so far. We know we will be parents one day. How our children will come to us, only GOD knows.

Continued....

The continuation.....

On July 11, 2006 my RE retrieved 8 eggs. Five fertilized with ICSI. I was so happy with this! I thought, “Perfect, we will transfer two and have three to freeze!” On July 14, we had two embryos transferred. Three days later we left the Albuquerque,NM and started our journey across the country to our next duty station at Wrigh Patterson AFB, Ohio. As we were leaving the state, I called the RE’s office to check on my three embryos. To my surprise, not one embryo survived! I was shocked. I felt defeated. I cried and cried for hours until my realtor called to tell us we had an offer on the house! Well at least now we would have money to pay off the IVF!
July 25, 2006 after four days of spotting and convincing myself and my husband that the IVF failed, I was wrong. I received a BFP! At the six week ultrasound our embryo was measuring a week behind and continued to measure behind. The heartbeat was strong and we saw and heard the heartbeat numerous times. At 12 weeks, I let my guard down and shared the news of our little miracle. Three weeks later, we had to tell our family and friends that our miracle had passed. Why? We will never know as I opted out of the Amniocentesis. All we know is that at 14w6d our baby measured 12w6d and did not suffer from an infection. As I write this ten months later, I am still devastated. The loss has changed me.

The Beginning

A few months ago I sat down and wrote out our infertility journey. For some reason it just helped to write it all out. I thought I would share so everyone knows a little about the steps we have taken so far. Here is the first part..............

After six years of dating, we walked down the aisle on June 16, 2001. A young military couple, we started our new journey together. We always knew we wanted to have a family, but our careers came first. Greg, an Air Force Officer and Julie an elementary school teacher, we decided to wait a few years before adding children to our lives.
In December 2003, we moved to Albuquerque, NM from Fairbanks, AK and it seemed like perfect timing. I wouldn’t apply for a job; I’d get pregnant and be a stay at home mom. Who knew that we would have any problems? We tried on our own for a little over a year before seeking help. In June of 2005, the base doctor referred us to a civilian specialist. We finally felt like we were in the best care possible. Unaware of any of the costs involved, we moved forward, went through all the testing. Greg’s analysis reported everything normal except 4% morphology. My entire tests came back normal.
We proceeded with 3 IUI’s(artficial insemenations) with Chlomid in the fall of 2005. They were all unsuccessful. Frustration, disappointment, financial and emotional strain started to take a toll on the both of us. What the heck was wrong with us? I couldn’t believe that the morphology was the only thing preventing us from conceiving. As tensions grew stronger in our household the Air Force was ready to send Greg on another deployment. It was a blessing in disguise. We needed the break from treatments. When he returned five months later we were both refreshed and ready to dive into the world of Invitro!

Testing

Just testing to see how this all works!